Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
