i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
