Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
