we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
