I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
