The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
