Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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