Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
