dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
