i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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