So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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