After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
