actually, I'm a sock model
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
