yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
