he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it glows. i had to have it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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