Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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