It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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