I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we're making bets on your personal life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
