I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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