Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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