I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
