i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
