if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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