i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
