Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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