a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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