You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
