I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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