I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
