worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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