Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
