i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You dont lie about slip and slides
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
