I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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