I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
