just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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