oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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