I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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