Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
