Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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