omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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