their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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