So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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