One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
