If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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