Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
