I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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