U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
