I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
honey bunches of taint.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
