My sheets look like a crime scene.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
