He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
