You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
