Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
