I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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