I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
