I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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