cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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